A friend pinned this to me and I just had to share with all my reading friends.
I can’t send my “Belle Weather” book back to the library without telling you about Celia Rivenbark’s 10 compatibilty questions on her Red Neck dating site.
”1. Have you ever given birth on a pool table? If so, how many times?
2. Have you, or any member of your immediate family, ever tried to remove a tatoo with eighty-grit sandpaper? From the baby?
3.Have you ever burned all the hair off your body while demonstrating the power of methane gas?
4. Have you ever tried to pay for a twelve-pack at the Stop-n-Rob convenience store using your mama’s gold tooth? If yes, did you take it while she was passed out or ask her nice-like for it?
5. Have you ever stayed up all night building a beer bong for your little sister’s eighth birthday present?
6. Have you ever heard yourself say, “While I admire the liting oboe duet in Mendelssohn’s No. 5 in D Minor, I have to say that the andante of the final movement is what truly stirs my soul?
7. Have you ever attended a cockfight? Witha a date? That wasn’t your sister?
8. Have you ever gone to the bank and applied for a loan so you could get spinners and nekkid-lady mudflaps put on your Gremlin?
9. Have you ever complained to a waiter that, while bleu might be an acceptable substitute for gorgonzola crumbles in his universe, it mostly assuredly isn’ t in yours?
10. Have you openly mourned the fading popularity of the mullet hairstyle?
If you answered “Yes to all but questions six and nine, you will find your mate at redneckharmony.com. I had to add those two weird questions to weed out the riff-raff, you know. Happy redneck couples, don’t thank me now: just thank me by promising to get all the young’uns vaccinated, you hear?”
I like Felix’s humor!
Originally posted on --- Grumpy Comments ---:
While at work today, I was showing a co-worker how to do something that they couldn’t quite figure out. After I finished explaining it to them, I jokingly quipped about how ‘super clever’ I was, while unbeknownst to myself, the back of the pen that I thought I was scratching my forehead with at the time had actually migrated to the otherend of the implement
So basically I was calling myself a genius, while scribbling on my own face. Oh, the irony.
Here’s another bit of WWII military humor.
A lieutenant fresh from jumping instructions was seated next to a sergeant in a parachute regiment during a night-time exercise. The Lt. looked very pale and frightened, so the sergeant struck up a conversation.
“Sacared Lieutenent?” he asked.
“No, just a bit apprehensive,” the lieutenent replied.
“What’s the difference?”
“Apprehension means I’m scared with a collage education.”
From The GI War, 1941-1945, by Ralph G. Martin (Avon, 1967)
I know it’s the fourth of July and I should write something patriotic but I think sometimes that can be over done. Don’t get me wrong, I am very patriotic, I teared up when we sang ”America the Beautiful” at church yesterday, but there have been many bad things done in the name of patriotism. So I’m going for the real Americana – Kilroy.
I am reading a book for research for my next book titled Kilroy was Here, the best American humor from WWII, by Charles Osgood. Charles tells of the history of Kilroy that I thought might be interesting to some of you out there. Kilroy was a running American gag throughout the whole war. A picture of this bald, big nosed character showed up everywhere, on every continent, on everything from a ship’s hull to his graffitied face on walls of buildings, or under bridges. Charles says there is a story of a meeting the big three (Stalin, Altee (British priminister), and Truman) where having on July 1945. Stalin comes out of a marbled bathroom and quickly confers with his aides asking “Who is Kilroy?”
Actually, Kilroy was an actual person. His name was James J. Kilroy. He was a welding inspector at Bethlehem Steel shipyard in Quincy, MA. When Mr. Kilroy inspected his work, he marked it, as most inspectors did, but instead of a nondescript mark he would write, “Kilroy was here.” And that’s how it started. The picture that frequently went with the saying was based on a British cartoon named “Mr. Chad.” It’s in how this joke spread so far when the internet was only a speck in someones unborn eye! I guess at the time everyone appreciated the joke, and just took it with them where ever they went and that was almost around the whole globe.
Rachel: You posted about me? (she read my post!)
Christine: Not really about you, about us going to the movie
Rachel: I read it.
Christine: Aren’t you impressed I put in that link to UTube?
Rachel: So I shouldn’t tell you I learned to do that in 7th grade?
Rachel: Ok, then good job, mom.