It’s my birthday today, and as with most of my birthdays, I wish people would not know it is my birthday.
I don’t mind happy birthday wishes, that’s nice – other than it reminds me each time it happens what day it is – it’s just that somehow the day is usually a let down for me. It’s like I expect something wonderful to happen, like when I was five, but I’m an adult now and it usually doesn’t. I don’t know what I expect to happen, so that adds to the frustration. I think my brain is somehow wired for my under 10 year old self and my 51 year old self just doesn’t know how to adjust. I know I can decide how I feel about this day, I can make it what ever I want by deciding how I’m going to be, but somehow, it’s hard for me to be anything but let down to some degree. And it’s not because I don’t like getting older. My body has changed over the years, no doubt about that, but I am still very healthy overall and I still feel like I’m in my early 30’s so the actually age change isn’t a big thing for me at this point in my life. It’s just the actual day of my birth that gets to me.
Please don’t feel sorry for me. It’s my own doing and it only last for one day, so I’ll just smile and say thankyou to the lovely birthday wishes and wait for the hours to tick by when I can go to sleep and start another, non-birth day.